Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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