Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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