i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
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