After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
