i think my tv is drunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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