This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
