How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
