My room smells like vodka and shame
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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