wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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