I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
