I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
