I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
