You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
