i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
