having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
