i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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