Banned from zoo.
Again?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
