if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
