I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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