I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
