i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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