gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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