um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
