Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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