tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
