I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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