3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
