I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You can't special order awesome
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
