my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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