I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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