What a fucking waste of an outfit
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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