i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
