im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
