It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
