Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
