You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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