I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
