Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
