wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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