I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
