I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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