I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
