My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
