This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
