I feel great
I just peed on a car
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
