A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
