My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
