I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
