..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The air taste purple.
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