she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
