Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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