; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
