I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
