Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
