my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
